Things I hate/miss

As I was walking the dogs around the block today with my oxygen on my back I got to thinking about all the things I miss being able to do.  With progression of CF, your independence slowly gets taken away.  It is a major mind battle and the depression takes a hit when you think about all the things that are “taken away” from you. Continue reading

I’m a winner….

I had CF clinic today for a regular check up.  Nothing seems to be regular about me anymore when it comes to CF and my depression….but anyway.  My weight is just fine and on the high-end of fine.  I’m not a fan but that doctors like it.  Dang medicines making me gain weight.  I might end up being one of those “fat” CFers.  Well I already feel that way but on to the next subject. Continue reading

Joy

Where has my joy gone? Where is the happy-go-lucky Shannon that we are all used to?  Losing my mom seems to have taken my joy away on top of my CF progressing.  I had a good cry fest over our trip to KC over Spring Break.  Maybe it was because I couldn’t see my mom while there as usual.  Maybe it’s because I’m just a wimp and got home sick within days of being in KC.  I like the comfort of home where all of my medical stuff is so I have the things I need.  Packing with all the medical stuff is a pain in rear.  The anxiety of “did I remember everything.”  I forgot one of my inhaled meds this trip, ugh.  We were gone 10 days.  I defiantly could tell a difference not having it but I made it through. Continue reading

Day(s) of Recovery

I now understand why my mom slept all the time near the end of her life.  No I’m not saying I’m at the end, don’t worry.  She would have a good day and be able to hang and do a bunch of things then the next day she would sleep pretty much all day.  She may have even needed 2 days of recovery depending on what she had going on.  I’m sure I have written about this before but the reason I am writing about it now is because we had a double date last night for dinner and the Dan + Shay concert.  Before that I was able to go to a very good friends promotion ceremony which was about 2 hours long with the ceremony and the party after.  My busy day started at about 12pm with getting ready and we got home around 11pm.  I was so very tired when we got home that I wanted to just go to bed but that’s not possible, I have to do a breathing treatment first. Continue reading

Friends and Family

What to do when you are woken up and you can’t get back to sleep….you get up and blog about what is on your mind.  Friends and family have been on my heart and mind for a while.  The sicker that I get the more I think about them and what they may be feeling.  Family is “stuck” with me but that doesn’t mean they have to deal or even claim my CF. They can love me from afar and still be my family even if they don’t want to acknowledge  my CF or even remember.  It is easy to ‘forget’ that I have anything since we are states away from one another and we don’t see each other daily or even weekly or monthly, sometimes going longer without talking to each other as well. Continue reading

Impromptu CF clinic appointment

I haven’t been feeling the greatest for over a week.  I’ve had an increased cough along with increased sputum (what I cough out in case you don’t know what that is).  I have been having trouble sleeping.  I also have been more worn out and more short of breath and needing to use my oxygen more often.  I called my CF nurse to ask for IVs and I got an appointment with the doctor instead.   Continue reading

Happy 37th birthday to me!!!

Today is a happy day because we get to celebrate me, of course!  Yes, I LOVE getting older because it means I kicked CFs butt for another year.  On the flip side it is hard day without my mom here.  I thought after last year this year would be easier.  Considering I was in the hospital last year and it was the first one without mom here.  I have been doing nothing but crying most of the day thinking about mom.  She would call me at 3:05pm, the time I was born, on my birthday every year.  There were some years that she couldn’t wait that long and would call in the morning and then call back at 3:05pm.  I miss that phone call of her singing happy birthday to me.  We were VERY close.  I had plans to surprise her on her birthday last year in April but obviously that didn’t happen. Continue reading