What is a Bonus Mom you ask? Well that would be me! We came up with Bonus mom instead of step mom. Most all the step moms in the books, movies and TV are evil and mean. I, however, am not evil and mean so we had to come up with something. It basically boils down to me being a bonus in the kids lives. We do use “step mom or step son/daughter” when we introduce each other since it is standard practice for everyone else…haha.
I am so blessed to have them in my life. I am thankful for their existence. No matter how I got them in my life I am happy to call them my bonus kids.
Being a bonus mom isn’t always the easiest job but it is one that I am happy I am able to do. There have been many times that my husband was deployed or TDY and we kept the custody/visitation agreement the same so the kids were on the same schedule. There was no reason to disrupt their normal routine. I am so glad I had/have those times with the kids. It is never easy for kids to go back and forth between mom and dad’s so we try to make it as easy as possible for them. I love them so much and would do anything for them. It has been 6 years of ups and downs in the parent world but we always come out on top.
There are a few ways that having a bonus parent and bonus kids in the mix can go. One way is that the bonus kids can dislike the bonus parent and make it very difficult for the bonus parent to “fit in” the new family structure. This makes it hard for the bonus parent to know their boundaries when it comes to parenting and make for a very uncomfortable situation. Another way it can go is the bonus parent can have an issue with the kids making it hard for the kids to want to be around their parent and acting out. The bonus parent has the potential to make or break a family structure. There are plenty of divorced families that make the separation work for the benefit of the family as a whole and keep things running smoothly. Of course it is always easy when the parents can communicate for the sake of the kids. What matters is that all parents (birth parents and bonus parents) involved know that they are on the same team and not against one another. The teams goal is what is best for the kids and making sure the kids needs are met at each house. It is not a competition. You should have the same long term goal which is to raise law abiding, respectful, educated kids.
Our oldest is off to college next year and we only have 4.5 more years until our youngest is off to college. The time is flying by. We have made it through teaching one to drive and have one more to go. I know I didn’t give birth to them and I am thankful to their mom for doing just that. If she didn’t I wouldn’t be able to be a part of their lives. I am thankful that I get to be a part of their life in whatever form that is. I love my bonus kids so much and can’t imagine my life without them.
I take pride in being a bonus mom. I love being able to experience life with the kids. They sure do have my heart. I hope they will look back one day and know how much I love and care about them. I say that because we all know as kids we never understood all that our parents did/do for us nor are we truly grateful until we are older and have a different outlook on life. We spent too much time hating them or being mad. It’s not until they are much older that they will understand. It is hard to watch your kids learn life lessons and not jump in and fix it all for them.
I am the typical parent when it comes to protecting your kids. You don’t want them to hurt, suffer or stress. Sometimes you just want to do everything for them so that you know that things are done correctly and that no harm is done. However, that will not shape them into the adults they need to be.
Bonus parenting is a ride and I’m hanging on for all the ups and downs.
Until next time…