I see ecard posts on Facebook about finding out who your real friends are by who sticks with you. I have a problem with that statement. If you are doing stupid things or illegal things or immoral things is it your friends due diligence to stick by you? No. I say no because if they are your real friends they will tell you when you are doing something that is stupid/illegal/immoral and not just go with it. I should say if it is something you don’t agree with then I wouldn’t advise that you stick around and be grouped into that behavior. There is truth in the “you are the company you keep” saying.
I have had instances in my life where a friend is doing something I don’t agree with and I feel like if I am a true friend I would voice my concern. Also, friends have asked advice for their situation and I tell them the truth, it may not be the truth they want to hear. I don’t have to agree with what they are doing but I also don’t have to sit back and watch it. Just because I don’t agree doesn’t mean I don’t love them, I just don’t love what they are doing. The same goes for family. You don’t always agree with what people in your family are doing either.
I have had people voice to me that they didn’t agree with things I was doing at the time. Of course I didn’t want to hear it and kept doing what I wanted. Looking back, I see where their heart was when telling me they didn’t think what I was doing was best for me or that they didn’t agree with me. Having lived through what I have in my short life of 33 years I know it wasn’t for nothing. I know that my experiences in life are there to help others who may be going through the same things.
It is never easy watching someone you love and care about make bad decisions in their life. It is even harder watching them go through rough times that could have been avoided by them making better choices in life. Your actions have consequences, good and bad. I feel that once you voice your concern for them, the ball is in their court. There may be times that you feel it is best to cut ties with someone while they are living a life that you don’t agree with. That is never an easy thing to deal with but if you feel they are bringing you down or that they putting you in an awkward/compromising position then it may be best. You would of course do this in hopes that you can mend the friendship/relationship in the future.
Friends change over time. Your interests change therefore when you no longer have the same things in common then you move on. There are plenty of friends that I had growing up that I am no longer in contact with and some I am in contact through Facebook. Over the school years we all got involved in different activities and meet new people thus we parted ways. I have moved a lot in my life, even though it has only been with a 2 hour radius from my hometown until now but doing so made it harder to stay in contact. Now that I am a military wife means that I get to make new friends all the time because people are in and out so much. I am an open book so making new friends comes easy to me, thankfully.
I guess the bottom line is, don’t let your friends determine what you will be labeled and surround yourself with people who have your back enough to tell you when you are screwing up. I am that friend who will tell you when you are screwing up and tell you I still love you in the same breath. No, I am not perfect, I am far from it. I have learned that by having the hard conversation with someone you love it can make or break a friendship. If it breaks the friendship it may be for the best. No, you cannot change someone’s mind but you can share your heart and what they mean to you.
I am not trying to leave this with a “negative Nelly” tone because that is not what where I was going with this. I was going in the direction of being a good friend may mean that you have to have a hard conversation. I hope this wasn’t a bunch of ramble because it feels like it right now. I hope you were able to understand where I was coming from on this and what was really in my heart.
Until next time…