My bonus son is with his mother for his time with her for the summer right now.  With him being gone brings a lot of free time for me.  I like having something to do or an option of something to do.  Of course I like having free time too where I can be lazy and watch TV.  Having all this free time is making me really miss being in the working world.  I miss feeling accomplished by doing something productive in the work force.

I don’t miss getting up early though…hahaha.  I miss meeting new people.  I miss doing computer work.  I miss organizing things in the work place.  I miss making someone smile when they are having a bad day because they were coming to see the doctor.  I also miss helping people handle their insurance denial or setting up a payment plan so they wouldn’t be sent to collections.  I started off working in the front office for a specialist group (Dermatology, Cardiology, Neurology, GI, Ophthalmology,  Internal Med).  I then moved to the administration office and did medical billing and collections while being able to float and cover for the front desk at the offices when they needed coverage.  I then moved to a different group of family medicine doctors doing billing and collections when my boss went to work for them.  I miss being able to do something different if I needed a change of scenery.

I made the decision to stop working due to not being able to bounce back like I used to and I was getting worn down from working.  I went into my bosses office in tears the day I had to quit.  I continued to help when I could and trained the person who took over my duties.  I wished I could have continued to work from home doing billing but my company no longer had that as an option.

There are times that I feel like I don’t contribute to life because I don’t work.  When someone asks me what I do for a living my response is, “I don’t do anything.”  I follow that up with, “I don’t work.”  If my husband is within ear shot he will chime in with, “she does a lot, she keeps things running.”

I was “complaining” that I was bored with out my bonus son here and my husband at work.  On top of that, the rain we have been getting has not helped at all.  Then I looked at the July calendar and saw that I need to enjoy this time when he is away because there is something on almost everyday, if not multiple things on one day, of the month in July.  It’s back to the busy life of running a kid around here, there and everywhere.

I have thought about whether or not I would go back to work after I have (if I have) a transplant.  No, I am not listed for a transplant or close to needing one.  My lung function is at 50-53% and to even be evaluated for transplant your lung function needs to be 35% or below.  I have a way to go, so I have awhile to think on it.  I think about going to work part-time now but then I think about when I went back to work (after quitting the doctors group) helping a friend in her cleaning business doing office work a few days a week.  I made it a year before I had to stop doing that.  I was on IVs a few times during that time and inpatient also.  I did all that I could before going in and answered phone calls while in the hospital and got right back to it when I got out.

When I am working I don’t have all the time it takes for me to take care of myself like I need to.  I can’t sleep as much as I need to help fight infection and to recoup.  I slack on breathing treatments when I am in an office all day.

I am very thankful for the life I have and for my husband.  I am thankful that I don’t need to work for us to survive.  It allows me to be able to take care of myself and to do all the running around that the kids need like doctor appointments, school events, forgotten assignments and/or lunches and running errands for my husband when he is unable to.  I am glad that I can be my husbands hands, feet, eyes and ears when he is unable to be at things.  We are a team and we work great together.

With all of this said, I do miss working but I am more thankful that I don’t have to in order to survive.  For that I am thankful beyond words for my awesome husband and all that he does for me and the kids.  I take pride in what I do for my family even if I feel like I am “lazy” at times.  Sorry this is a long rant.

Until next time…