I guess I should update you all since my stay in “lock up” (aka the hospital).  My creatinine (kidney level) is finally back down in normal range.  It was .91 when I last had my blood drawn at CF clinic last Thursday.  Yay for that.  Even more yay, I can start to take ibuprofen, in moderation, for my aches and pains since Tylenol does nothing for me.My side lung/pulled muscle pain is finally better as well.  That was a lot of pain.  It’s not like I can take a break from breathing or coughing to let it heal.  Nope, I just had to cough my way through it.  Ouch!!

I had a really bad bought of depression recently.  One of my medicines (Abilify for depression) made me gain quite a bit of weight for little ol me on my 5’2″ frame so I wanted to come off of it and see how I did.  That wasn’t such a good idea.  After the two weeks it takes for most depression/psych meds to get out of your system I was in bed crying for about 4 days straight.  I then had an appointment with my psychiatrist and we talked about where I was with my depression and what to do.  She wanted to cut my Effexor dose in half and add a new drug (Vybriid).  I told I would try.  Well cutting the Effexor in half made me stay in bed crying even more because it is a strong one and very hard to come off of.  I gave up and went back on full dose of Effexor and back on the Abilify and of course off the Vybriid.  I am still in the 2 weeks plus weeks it takes for the Abilify to get all the way into your system.  I’m still having random crying spells, mostly because I’m missing my mom or I’m just frustrated with feeling this way.

I wish you could “snap out” of depression but you can’t.  If you could, I would have done it years ago.  Depression sucks big time.  It’s like something takes over you and you can’t function right, think right or even do right sometimes.

If you have depression, don’t be afraid to talk about it.  Yes, the person can’t fix you but keeping it in is not a good thing to do.  You will eventually explode and those closest to you will be the ones in the line of fire and they won’t know what hit them.  They will be the ones you need and they deserve honesty.  Talking with a third party is great!  I myself have a therapist and she helps me work through the thoughts in my head, my grief, my CF, my depression, my anxiety and more.  The third party can be a licensed therapist, a pastor/church leader or even a good friend that you can trust to lead you in the right direction and offer support.  The longer you sit in the depression alone the worse it gets.  Also, taking medicine to help you through is not a bad thing.  You need to do whatever it takes because your life is worth it just like mine is.

I have dealt with depression since I was at least 16 and on medicine since then with one break.  Yes, I am an open book and not ashamed because I KNOW my story will help at least one person.  If I go through what I go through for one person it is worth it.  Trust me, I don’t want trials and tribulations but if any good can come from it please God use it and me.

HEALTH UPDATE/GALLBLADDER:  I have my hyda scan tomorrow morning of my gallbladder and then see the surgeon on Friday.  We shall see what comes of all of this.

Until next time…