Losing or winning the battle

When someone with a disease passes away many people use the phrase “<name> lost their battle with <disease>.”  That statement can be taken as if the persons disease won and took them.  I know when people use that statement they don’t mean that the person was weak and let the disease win.  They mean that they died and the cause was that persons disease.  Some people take it as an insult.  I personally don’t because I understand people’s intention behind it.  Also everyone grieves differently.  As a person with a disease I know that I fight everyday to keep living.  I don’t necessarily feel that it is a “battle” but the life I was given even though it is much harder than some.  Some days are much harder than others and some days are much better than others.  Life with CF is all I know.  I was diagnosed at 5 months old so I don’t know any different.

I speak for myself when I say that I will NOT lose my battle with CF but that I will NEVER GIVE UP until my last breath.  Yes, my body will get tired of “not giving up” at some point but I will keep on fighting until that time comes.  I’m too stubborn not to.  I don’t like that statement, “…lost their battle…” but I also know that people don’t mean any ill will by it, or at least most people.  Who knows, some people surprise you.

This topic comes up because of my friend Jennie’s passing 2 weeks ago.  People had written that she had lost her battle with CF.  She didn’t lose anything except for life on earth.  She fought very hard to stay on this earth throughout her life time.  Most recently being seizers, drastically low blood sugars, infection in her frontal sinus in the actual bone, lots of GI issues and more.  So to say she lost her battle in a sense says that all that fighting was for nothing and that is far from the truth.  She “battled” everyday and came out on top even if she felt horrible.  She won the battle by showing CF whose boss all 41 years (minus 8 days) of her life.

Next time you want to say someone lost their battle think about all the fighting they did that took them to their last breath.  They won!  If you are a religious person then you know they really won because they aren’t here on earth in that sick body anymore.  That doesn’t make the hurt of them being gone any less or the yearning for them to come back go away.  There doesn’t seem to be much that can sooth a hurting heart after losing someone close to you.  The hurt never goes away but time goes on and you learn to live life to honor those that have passed.

After going to Jennie’s services it got me thinking that I really need to put in writing what it is that I want for my own services.  It is hard to carry out the persons wishes when all you want is for them to not be gone.  I don’t try to be morbid but it is a fact of life for everyone and more so for those of us that have a progressive disease that has no cure.  We, or I will speak for myself, I try my best to do everything that needs to be done to stay here as long as possible.  I don’t want to leave my friends or family behind.  The thought of leaving everyone behind is what scares me.  I don’t want anyone to hurt but I know that isn’t possible when you are talking about death.

I try my best to live my life with the actions of my words.  For example I can tell someone until I am blue in the face that I don’t judge people but until they see me interacting with all different kinds of people they may not believe me.  I’m a fighter therefore I try my best to show that.  I try my best to be an example to others and the image of who I really am.

Ok, enough of that… I had my 1 month LASIK follow-up last Thursday and I am still seeing 20/20.  My corneal flap is healing well and my dryness is getting better.  I am to keep doing what I’m doing and go back in 2 months.  I am still so very thankful that my husband told me I was doing it, “no ifs ands or buts!”  haha  I also have a CF clinic appointment this Thursday so stay tuned to see how that goes.  You never know how they will go.

Until next time…

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