Miss my mama

My life changed forever at 8:55pm (CST) on Tuesday January 19th.  My mom breathed her last breath as my head was on her shoulder and her hand was in mine.  I never imagined that I would have to go through this at this young age.  Your parents are supposed to live into their 80’s and 90’s, not the young age of 59.  

I originally had a CF clinic appointment on Thursday the 21st but when I got the news about my mom I made arrangements to be seen on Monday the 18th so I could get to Kansas City ASAP!  I needed to be seen by my doctor because I have not been feeling well and needed to get on something to hopefully keep me going through what ended up being the worst week of my life so far.  We got IVs started and booked the earliest plane ticket that we could.  I was in KC by 9:40am on Tuesday.  You couldn’t keep me away, no matter how I was feeling.

Mom was surrounded by her girls in her final moments.  Myself, my sister, my step-sister, my sister-in-law, my aunt and mom’s sister-in-law were surrounding her and making sure she knew we were there.  I will never forget this past week.  It replays like a very bad dream over and over.  I still go to text her when I want to tell her something and then realize that she won’t respond and my heart skips a beat when I realize all over again that she is gone.

I have powered through this last week with little sleep and energy but somehow I made it.  We returned home to TN this evening.  I slept most of the 11 hour drive home.  My body is wiped out to say the least.  Yesterday I let my nurse know that I was heading back to TN and how I was feeling after 6 days of IVs.  I am no better.  My sensitivities show that what I’m on should be working.  She talked with my doctor today and sent me a text letting me know that he wants to see me in clinic on Thursday afternoon and the plan is to admit me to get started on IV Colistin (one of the ones that is hard on the kidneys).  The preliminary plan is for me to be in for the 2 week duration of the IV Colistin.  If my kidney’s behave I may be able to go home and finish the course of IVs at home.  At this point I’m not making plans of getting out earlier than the 2 weeks.  Once I get to my suite in lock up I will crash.  I get tonight and tomorrow night in my own bed and my husbands cooking before going so that’s a plus.  I unpacked from the KC trip just to do laundry and pack up again for club med/lock up.  Ugh.  Wise words from my mama, “it is what it is.”  I will be ok. It may suck getting there but I will make it no matter the bumps along the way.

I’m attaching screenshots of what I shared about my mama on Facebook so that I have it to look back at.  I will update Thursday night or Friday morning about what is going on as far as my admission.

Thank you so much for all of your prayer, love and support over the last week.  I’m sure it has been what has carried me through.

Until next time…

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