What does it mean to be my friend, to love and care for me?  I’m going one step deeper with this one.  What does it mean to be my friend, me being a person with Cystic Fibrosis.  I’m not going to “beat a dead horse” on this subject but it has been on my heart with all that’s been going on with me. 

I think I have written about this before but oh well.  Here I go again.  haha.  I know how scary it is to be the sick person with CF going through all of the IVs, other medicines, procedures, time in the hospital, using oxygen, depression, fighting to fight and putting on a strong face.  I however don’t know what it is like to be the person that loves and cares for me.  The feeling of helplessness.  The fear of the unknown.  For those that are “fixers” what I’m going through is very hard because they can’t fix it.  I wish they/someone could fix it because then I wouldn’t have to endure it.

The depression side of all of this is probably the even harder part to watch from the outside because there is nothing that can be done.  I can’t “snap out of it” as bad as I wish I could and as bad as you all who are on the outside wish I could.  Depression is debilitating, scary and feels like there is no end in sight.

I know it is scary for you all who are loving me through all of this.  I know you feel helpless.  I know you want nothing more than to help in some way.  I am an open book however when it comes to my depression it is hard to let people in.  I don’t want people seeing me that way.  My husband is the one who sees it all, that is a given.  He is my best friend and my rock.  I take the good days and try to enjoy them.  I take the bad days and attempt to turn them into good days.  There are days that all I want to do is sleep and preferably sleep and wake up when everything is “back to normal and good.”  I know that is not going to happen but one could hope.  haha

One way you can help is to share my GoFundMe page as much as possible, even if you aren’t able to donate.  It helps to share a little something when sharing the page on Facebook so that it doesn’t look like just any other GoFundMe page.  Ya know, a little something about who I am and the reason for my GoFundMe page.  We need to get as much money in the bank to cover future expenses involved with lung transplant when the time comes.  Thank you so much for all of your love, support and prayers.  They truly mean the world to us.

Until next time…