We took a short road trip to Panama City, FL to see some good friends this past weekend. We were able to go to the beach on Saturday.  I realized my happy place, the beach, is hard for me to get to with all the walking.  I had to take breaks walking the boardwalk and then on the beach.  Once I got to our spot to sit I was ok just sitting and enjoying the sand and surf.  I went in the water and that wore me out as well.  Holding myself steady in the waves was hard and took my breath away.   With all that said the beach is still my happy place even though it is hard on me now.  I want to be able to travel and not have to worry about getting out of breath, coughing, breathing treatments, etc.

This weekend made me think about the things I can’t do or struggle to do.  I hate that I can’t just get up and go in the morning.  Instead I have to take all my meds and do at least 30-45 min of breathing treatments.  I hate having to get up an hour before I have to leave to do all of that.  I hate that I need to sleep so much because I’m so worn out from everyday life.  I hate that I have to take extra time in the shower so I don’t get out of breath, coughing fits still happen from showering, it’s annoying.  Yes I’m having an “I hate CF” day/s.  Sometimes I just can’t help it to be frustrated with CF and what it does.  I hate that it has taken so much from me and that it will continue to over my life.  Yes, transplant is in the future and it scares that crap out of me.

Everyone always says how strong I am.  I’ll let you in on a little secret, I don’t feel so strong nor do I think I am.  As you can see I have my bad days and pitch a fit because I don’t want to “DO” CF anymore.  I have to keep pushing through though which isn’t always easy.  I am thankful for my patient husband whom loves me through the ups and downs.  That’s all I have for today.  I hope everyone had a great Father’s Day.

Until next time…