I received an article via email titled “Associations between adherence, depressive symptoms and health-related quality of life in young adults with cystic fibrosis.”  The first line of the article is the following, “Cystic Fibrosis (CF) is a life shortening disease, however prognosis has improved and the adults with cystic fibrosis live independent lives and balance the demands of work and family life with a significant treatment burden.  They administered 3 standardized questionnaires to 67 CF patients aged 18-30 years; Medication Adherence Scale, Major Depression Inventory and CF Questionnaire.  One third of the participants reported systems of depression. Health-related quality of life scores were especially low on vitality and treatment burden and symptoms of depression were associated with low health-related quality of life.  High depression symptoms scores were associated with low adherence.  All of that mumbo jumbo means that depression and CF go hand in hand.  The higher the rate of depression, the lower rate of adherence of treatments and meds, etc. and vice versa.  

I say all that as a preface to my life the past week and my life in general.  This past week has been one heck of a doosey.  My depression has been rearing its ugly head and it has affected my everyday life.  Most of the time I can press through the ugly depression and keep on keeping on.  That hasn’t been the case this time.  I have always taken my medicines and done my breathing treatments, that I don’t slack on.  I slept all weekend.  I had no desire to move or even think.  I made a call to my psychiatrist to get an appointment to discuss my low hoping she had a game plan.  Luckily she had a cancellation today so I was able to see her.  We are changing my anti-depressant which means I have to taper off of Effexor which will not be pretty.  Effexor is one of the hardest anti-depressants to come off of.  I will be starting Prozac.  I hope this change will help my lows and keep me up.

Depression is real and it really sucks.  It is not an excuse not to do something.  It is not fake or made up.  If someone makes it up, saying they have depression, that is a knife in the back of every person who suffers from depression and anxiety.  Once again, it’s real and it’s a big part of who I am.  I try my best to be “better” than depression but that doesn’t always happen.

I have been missing my mom a lot lately.  I have been having dreams with “her” in them.  It’s not her as in, it doesn’t really look like her but it is my mother figure.  Those make me miss her so much more and then certain songs come on and the tears start to fall.  Just about anything brings on missing mom….everyday life brings on missing mom.

Some may think that I share too much of my life.  I have been an open book my whole life therefore I’m not going to change now.  I know for a fact that my being an open book has helped at least 1 person and that’s all that matters.  If me speaking out about my depression allows someone to recognize their own depression and to seek help then my life is not for nothing.

Today was a better day.  One better day closer to more better days in a row.

Until next time…