I’m Fine.

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I know there are quite a few of my friends (and people who I am not that close to as well) struggling with depression and/or anxiety at this very moment. I just want you to know that you are not alone. We will make it through. No, we are not “Fine.” We would do anything to be “fine.” Keep up the fight, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I know we can’t see it right now but it’s there. It will start off looking like a match in the distance and continue to get brighter the better we get.
For those that are the person who loves the person with depression/anxiety. Keep loving them. Love them through these hard times. It is not an easy roller coaster to be on. It is draining for us and very hard for us to navigate life. We hate that you have to be on the roller coaster with us BUT we are very thankful you choose to be in that seat next to us, fighting right along with us and enduring the hills, some massive, some little. It is nothing personal you have done. It is our brains that are messed up and need to be calmed and quieted down.
It hasn’t been the easiest past few weeks for me and I hate that my depression affects those around me.  If I’m having a “blah” day, others can tell because my “fake it until I make it” is broken and I’m failing at it.  Therefore, it makes them cautious of what they say and do around me which I hate.  I want everyone to continue on normally and hopefully I will join them back as my normal self.  I absolutely despise depression and what it does to me and others.  I’m hoping not to be too much of a wicked witch with this taper of Effexor and I hope that Prozac will kick in and do its thing ASAP.  I’m ready to feel like myself again because right now, in a way, I don’t know the person I am when my depression is rearing its ugly head.
If you are a close friend or family, I just ask for you to bear with me and love me through this hell.   Please know it is not personal when I turn down offers to do things.  It’s just that I am not feeling the being social thing where I would have to attempt to put on an act of “I’m fine.”  I have to deal with the depression but you don’t and there is no reason to subject you to it if I can help it….hahahaha.
Thank you so much for your love and support through this.
Until next time…

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