This post started out as a Facebook status but continued to grow into what ended up being this blog post to due to the length. We will just call this my random thoughts post that I post every once in awhile on Facebook. Weekends in lock up are brought to you by naps…naps, whenever possible! Nothing really happens on the weekends in the hospital unless it is an emergency type situation so now is the time to “catch up” on sleep.

They started me on Mucinex to help make the junk in my lungs thinner and to help me get as much of it out as I can.  I’m still having the lung pain which obviously means it hurts to cough and breathe deep. I’m sure you can guess that I am not a fan of Mucinex at the moment because it is making me cough more to bring up (and out) lots of junk which means I hurt more!!  We are trying to stay on top of the pain meds and muscle relaxers in hopes to keep pain at least tolerable.  I am not a fan of the pain being so bad that I’m crying/sobbing at times which of course makes it hurt more.  It’s a vicious cycle.

As you know, I have the flu on top of everything else I have going on.  It’s kind of comical how many people (CNAs or RTs mainly) ask “why are ‘we’ on droplet precaution?” I tell them that I have the flu on top of all the other crap.  Their response has for the most part been, “seriously, you have the flu?”  Yep, go big or go home! No small time stuff here.  My body thought, why not take on one more thing. I am taking Tamiflu twice a day for 5 days.  I hope that my energy comes back soon. I’m tired of being tired.

I missed another of my stepsons basketball games today which I hate. It was the championship game and they lost. 😞 Last Saturday I wasn’t able to go to his game out of pure exhaustion. I hate missing his stuff when I theoretically (not in the hospital) should have been able to make it. Stupid CF.

We have a great group of friends here in TN that are such a great support to us.  Of course I feel like I’m not keeping my end of friendships up and running. My husband says, “stop apologizing for things that you have no control over.” Immediately when we knew I was being admitted I wanted to apologize for screwing up yet another week/weeks where Jason has to put everything back on his plate. I went deep on that one. ☺️

When talking about our friends and their awesome support, we automatically think of the transplant process and all the help we will need.  It’s more than just who can come visit and hangout. It will be much more involved than that considering we will most likely be away from our home in east TN.   Post transplant will involve taking care of me and you all know how much I like needing help. I have gotten better at accepting help which is more so because I just can’t do things anymore and I have no other option but to accept help.  I dreaded the day that I was “helpless,” and here we are.  Yes of course I hope to rebuild my strength and stamina and to see an increase in my lung functions. However, I have to be able to adjust and accept where I’m at right now so that I’m not mad at my body for being craptastic and keeping myself down and depressed.  I have talked about the “sick person guilt” before and the sicker I get the harder it is to be the sick person.  I know what it’s like to love and care for the sick person. I loved and cared for my mom and would have done anything to keep her here with us longer.  Moms passing happened very fast in the big picture which didn’t give us a lot of time to care for her.  It didn’t help that she is so stubborn and didn’t let on about how sick she really was. I’m just like her when it comes to not wanting people to worry about me or to uproot their lives to help me. It must be a female thing in the Thompson family because my grandma was the exact same way too.  I’m trying my best to let people help me and to do simple little things like taking the boys to Pet Smart for a bath or grooming.  I’m getting to the point that I honestly have no other choice but to have people help.  I know this post is all over the place and it might be hard to follow but that’s what’s going on in my brain.  Just be glad you aren’t in my brain, you might go crazy. 😉 haha

Quick health update: Not a lot to update about. Still having the right lung pain for which we are working on the right pain med cocktail.  I tested positive for type A flu which might explain my fatigue and my high white count among other things. I am having some wheezing and tightness that is super annoying. Breathing treatments aren’t easing it up either which is even more frustrating. I just want something to work for what it’s supposed to and for it to work quick! I think that’s pretty much everything. I’m sure something will pop in my mind after I post this. I’ll make a note and add it to the next post.

Thank you everyone for all of your love and support. It really means a lot.

Until next time…