As I was walking the dogs around the block today with my oxygen on my back I got to thinking about all the things I miss being able to do.  With progression of CF, your independence slowly gets taken away.  It is a major mind battle and the depression takes a hit when you think about all the things that are “taken away” from you.

Things I hate that CF has done to my life and things I miss doing:

• I miss being able to mow the yard and do lawn work
• I miss walking the dogs without oxygen
• I miss sleeping without oxygen
• I miss being able to “get up and go” without having to pack oxygen and a nebulizer and more
• I miss “getting up and going” in the morning without needing a long treatment
• I miss being able to “go go go” without needing breaks
• I miss being able to last “all night” with friends without needing to call it a night
• I hate having to cancel plans because I don’t feel good
• I hate not being able to make plans because I don’t know how I will feel for fear of needing to cancel them
• I hate not being able to walk up stairs without stopping
• I hate not being able to walk a long distance without stopping
• I hate coughing fits (especially in front of others)
• I hate when people feel sorry for me, I know it sucks that I have CF but don’t feel sorry for me, help me fight
• I hate having to take breaks when doing things
• I hate not being able to do housework like I used to.  I love to clean and now it is limited on what I can do and for how long
• I miss my mom being here to help me navigate this life and transplant thing
• I hate getting sicker
• I hate doing IVs every other month (or at least that’s what it has been lately)
• I hate being so worn out all the time
• I hate feeling like I hold my husband back from things he can/wants to do (even though he says I don’t but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel it)
• I hate feeling like I let people down
• I hate missing out on fun things with friends because of CF and feeling sick
• I hate feeling like I let friends and family down
• I hate not being able to travel whenever I want without planning so much medical stuff
• I hate losing CF friends with a passion, it makes my reality ever so present and right in my face
• I feel bad for being sick…I know “don’t feel bad for being sick, you have no control.”  Doesn’t mean I don’t feel that way.
• I want to be able to sing a song without trying to catch my breath throughout the song

There are a few things I do like because of CF and I can’t forget those when times get hard.

• Without CF I would not know some of the most amazing people who also have CF
• I wouldn’t be able to learn to fight the good fight from my CF friends
• I might not be as stubborn as I am, also known as a fighter 🙂
• I am strong because of CF and in spite of CF
• I have a great support system
• My husband is my rock and keeps me sane in all this craziness

I’m sure there are more for both lists but this was on my heart.

Today’s random part of the post:  Don’t forget you can help with transplant/medical costs by donating to my GoFund me account http://www.gofund.me/shannonigans or by donating to my PayPal account at http://www.PayPal.me/shannonigans.  We are still raising funds for future expenses and will continue until transplant time and after.  We have some possible major changes coming up in our life with my husbands military career so of course me being the planner that I am, I am planning for the possibility of us moving from TN, depending on our decision of retirement from the Air Force or being onto the next duty station.  I know that was random, just go with it. hahaha

Until next time…